Moving On
I feel the need to wax poetic on the nature of life. Life is often described as a path or a road. Life is described as a journey to some vaguely defined destination. Some take the path less traveled while most people stay on the crowded freeway of life, judging progress by comparing their position to that of their peers. I feel that I am in a permanent traffic jam on the freeway of life, so I turn off the freeway and opt for the road less traveled. Even so, sometimes the two paths intersect, giving me a view into the lives of others I have met along the way. The choice of which road to follow rears its head once again. I am looking around, comparing and contrasting, and trying to decide again, what path to take; thus the need to think about the meaning of life, and what kind of life has meaning for me.
My youngest child will go off to college this fall. She assures me my life will have no meaning or purpose once she leaves for school. I tell her she may be incorrect, but due to her anxiety about the changes occurring in her life, I do not discuss the changes occurring in mine. I think it would be “bad parenting” to tell her I feel like running around yelling “YEAH” on a regular basis. She might think I will not miss her. I will. I have already realized my role as “Mommy” never ends, though my experience with my elder daughter (entering her third year of college) has taught me the role evolves. Do not worry; “Mommy” is still in the house but “Kelly” has begun making an appearance more often.
My roles in life have never been fully integrated. In my role as “Mom” I attended school functions and behaved appropriately. The fact I drove around the block blaring ACDC before walking in the door did not need to be shared with my children. I needed to combat the sense of frustration I felt entering my children’s high school, my Alma Mater. Walking through the doors often caused every fiber of my being to scream in protest at the same crap I saw as a high school student years ago. I needed to shift into my “Mom” role before walking in the door. I do not regret sending my children to my old high school, it is still a good school and my children are not duplicates of me. It is interesting that neither of my children feels much fondness for our Alma Mater, but then they are my children. Needless to say I am not sorry to leave BHHS behind me once again.
I admit to finding it odd when my peers continue to be active in their children’s schools after their children have graduated. I understand supporting institutions you feel are an asset to your community. I do not understand staying on for years as a member of Advisory Boards or other organizations meant for the parents of current students. I live in a community where it is quite common for individuals to linger long after their children have graduated. The argument is given “no one else wants to do it.” The reality of the situation is no one else can participate or take a leadership position because the old guard will not move on. I suspect these individuals are clinging to a positive time in their life and they are afraid to explore new avenues. In the worse scenarios it is a petty attempt to retain power. Either way, the behavior is disturbing and in my community too often supported without question. I do not regret leaving this element of my life behind.
Many of my peers will still be active participants in their schools and youth organizations for years to come. They still have children in the nest ranging from babies to teens. Most who have babies are men, due to biology, but more and more women are parents of young children well into their fifties. I do not know where they get the energy. I understand these people will most likely not join me on the road less traveled, because they cannot. The demands of parenting keep most people on the main freeway. Those of us who choose the road less traveled during our parenting years normally have some interesting stories to tell.
So I guess you have realized I have no intention of returning to the main freeway of life. I do not want to climb any career or social ladders. I do not want to be Chairman of the Board or Fundraising Chair. I have already organized and accomplished a fundraiser for the homeless by myself. I have no interest in doing it with a group of people who will take twice the time, twice the money and twice the stress to accomplish the same goal. (Though sharing the month of stress I experienced would have been nice). I do not need the community praise or glory that seems to come with volunteering or fundraising these days. This does not mean I may not find a worthy cause to support; I just will not advertise my participation.
So I say goodbye again to the travelers on the main road. I cannot join you. What has meaning in your life has little to no meaning in mine. If you need a little break from the “who is more important or who has more money or……” you will find me on the back road. Come, take a break, have a cup of coffee, tell me the stories of the main highway. The back road is where I find life has meaning and I am always interested in the experiences of others, even if I do not want to ( or no longer can) join you on the freeway. See too much time on the back roads makes returning to the freeway very difficult.
So I guess I will have to continue on my path to that vague goal. I hope to meet some interesting people along the way and learn new things. It is time to move on. I am looking forward to the journey.
