My definition of Them-Not Us
Them. You know them, or you know of them. Their paths in life are easy. The obstacles in their lives are never too large to surmount and the world works for them in the way our culture teaches us the world is supposed to work. They succeed in not one but many aspects of their lives. We want to be them and we envy them. They are by definition not us.
They live in a variety of social and economic neighborhoods. They live next door and miles away. Normally attractive people, their paths seem to be paved in gold, or the very least silver. The ugly side of life never seems to touch their lives. Friends and family are supportive. Bosses mentor them throughout their careers. They move forward without significant penalty. They are part of the crowd and never completely on the outside of their communities. Jealously, evil and the ugly nature of humanity never intrude and when it gets too close an alternative path opens where they can be warm and safe and dry until the world works the way it is supposed to once again. They think everyone lives as they do because often everyone they know does live like they do. They trust conventional wisdom to work, and it does.
They rarely see the man behind the curtain, the puppet master pulling the strings. They do not believe the puppet master exists. They believe their success is the product of planning, making the right choices, talent. People fail in their world because of bad choices, lack of planning or lack of talent. Glimpses of the man behind the curtain occur but these experiences are either ignored or a belief begins to grow that the man behind the curtain has chosen them to travel the path of success and rewards. They believe they have been chosen and confidently move forward in life.
Life is not fair and some people succeed, others do not. This is reality. My problem with “them” is their inability to see the man behind the curtain. I have seen that man all my life. Logic alone tells us that a fledging business cannot grow if the existing business community squashes it. To put it more graphically, a pianist cannot play a symphony if her teacher breaks her fingers. If a worthy opponent never attacks, or the attack is thwarted the pianist continues to play, the business to grow, confidence to build and denial to continue. Compassion and insight seem to diminish in direct proportion to the ease of an individual’s journey through life. Maybe the price of denial is loss of insight and compassion. A cost not realized until insight or compassion is required and they find they do not have the skills needed to succeed.
I will even give some allowance for youth, since the man behind the curtain stays hidden most of the time from the young. More accurately the extent of the string pulling is hidden. Those who move in the same circles as did and do their parents are often more keenly aware of the man behind the curtain than those who strike out on their own. Even this group begins to see their success in terms of their own abilities, attributing their gold lined path to being “the right kind of person” or their own talents. The role of the puppet master is slowly forgotten as life progresses until many reach the point where they believe he never existed at all.
The American Dream is about all of us being able to achieve on merit. Maybe this is why I give the young a break from my contempt. That is what it is, contempt. I do not respect those who know or should know their success was not the result of their abilities alone but the result of serious interference by business mentors, family and their community. (Or lack of a worthy opponent) I am constantly exposed to people who will try and deny the existence of the man behind the curtain to the extent they will claim the sky is green merely to preserve their belief that the world works for everyone as they think it does. They look down on others who may be more talented, more intelligent or have valuable insight because they do not have as much money, social standing or power. They believe they deserve everything they have .Challenge their perceptions and they run or hide their heads. (My favorite is to say their heads are so far up their asses they have not seen daylight in years) Often they attack, claiming their challenger is in some way ill, or having a bad day. They muse, “Has she taken her meds today?” without ever inquiring why the meds are needed. They really cannot handle reality, the real life experiences that occur outside the bubble of their existence. It is not until reality bursts their bubbles do they actually realize that a man has been behind the curtain all along and that the world has never been the way they perceived it to be.
Even more offensive is when these people are in a position where they should run interference for the next generation. They are so caught up in their belief that they did all on their own they expect their protégées to do the same. Some of these people have been so sheltered from attacks and roadblocks they become offended when life becomes a little more difficult, or they are expected to take the hit so another can succeed.
Business theory explains the concept of interference. See http://blogs.hbr.org/sutton/2010/07/do_you_have_their_backs_or_jus.html . The concept is even more common to those who follow sports such as football. Apply the concept to life and those in denial will twist themselves into knots to avoid acknowledging the concept applies off the playing field. They cannot comprehend that others may have experienced things they have not experienced or that the world does not always work the way they think it does. When this crowd finally has to take the hit, or runs into a worthy opponent, I laugh. So often instead of reflecting on all of the positives they have experienced they cry over their new realizations. They forget they are crying to people who have long ago experienced what life outside the bubble is really like. The same people whose paths have never been paved in gold.
Business theory explains the concept of interference. See http://blogs.hbr.org/sutton/2010/07/do_you_have_their_backs_or_jus.html . The concept is even more common to those who follow sports such as football. Apply the concept to life and those in denial will twist themselves into knots to avoid acknowledging the concept applies off the playing field. They cannot comprehend that others may have experienced things they have not experienced or that the world does not always work the way they think it does. When this crowd finally has to take the hit, or runs into a worthy opponent, I laugh. So often instead of reflecting on all of the positives they have experienced they cry over their new realizations. They forget they are crying to people who have long ago experienced what life outside the bubble is really like. The same people whose paths have never been paved in gold.
It all boils down to the old concept of “There but for the Grace of God go I.” This simple wisdom reminds us all to be grateful for the good things in life and compassionate to those whose paths are strewn with rubble and pothole. It is simple conventional wisdom that so many of “them” seemed to have never learned.
